Nevada, Fresno and Craig Thompson Meet-n-Greet

When my oldest child went to Kindergarten, the first day of class was basically nothing more than a meet-n-greet between the teacher, students and parents, who were invited to sit in on the class for the day. After about an hour of singing songs, doing crafts, and teacher-student introductions, the little Kindergartners were excused to go watch a one-hour movie while the teacher and parents discussed “business”.

As Nevada and Fresno have recently “upgraded” conferences , I thought it would be appropriate to hold a quick meet-n-greet between the relevant parties involved. After all, despite Commissioner Thompson saying that Fresno and Nevada’s conference invites weren’t related to BYU’s exploration of Football independence, I have a feeling that the players at this party really don’t know each other as well as they should.

So, on with introductions. First, Nevada and Fresno, I would like you to meet Commissioner Thompson (see photo below).

It should be noted that he is not the dummy head holding the fake weave. He is the fake weave. In fact, from this point on, you should lovingly refer to him as “Hair”. Not only because of the perfectly sculpted quaff that graces the man’s head, but because it is every bit as fake, false and synthetic as his personality. Hair is the Commissioner of the Mountain West Conference (see photo below).

You should probably know now that you guys, Boise State and TCU are the powerhouses of the conference , Hair will be relying on you to generate money and television contract interest for the rest of the sucks that call themselves MWC affiliates. If you don’t, the $500,000 you were making annually with the WAC will look like a cash cow compared to the piles of dung the beetles in your new conference generate.

In fact, you should probably watch your back. If by some chance you ARE able to generate revenue, your conference mates (i.e. dung beetles) will zealously raid your checking account (i.e. dung) and jealously guard the piles of money (i.e. crap) they remove from your coffers. They will rationalize their theft by chanting the phrase, “We are all equals, we are all equals…” over and over again until you almost believe it.

I bring all this up because Hair is the HDBIC (Head Dung-Beetle-In-Charge). He may seem nice and cordial now, but despite the fumes coming from his mouth, there is really only one reason you were invited: To keep BYU from wiping the MWC from the bottom of their shoes. You saw how that turned out.

Anyway, should you have any questions about Hair, please forward them to the Denver Post. They are really good at making s*!t smell like roses (see Denver Post articles concerning the Colorado Buff’s)!

Now, Hair, allow me to introduce you to Milton Glick, President of the University of Nevada and John D. Welty, President of California State University, Fresno (see file photo below).

Milton and John were instrumental in helping Karl Benson (see photo below)…

…draft and organize “The Project” that would ultimately land all of BYU’s non-revenue sports in the WAC (see photo below).

They were also instrumental in the single handed destruction of the WAC when they turned coat and bolted from the very contract they helped draft.

It is said that a man is easily judged by the company he keeps. Well, Hair, you struck pay dirt with these two! They are right up your alley. If I were you, however, I’d make ‘em sign a $10 million dollar contract with you. Mainly because the moment they know for certain that their collective a$$es are certain to be sued into oblivion, they are probably going to go crawling back to the plot of land that they helped scorch.

Anyway, I hope these introductions have helped. Again, if you have any questions, or if there is any confusion about anything I’ve written here, shoot an email to the Denver Post. They’ll make up an answer for you at their earliest convenience.