Friday, October 3rd 2008—Romney Stadium, Logan, Utah. For 20 years, the tyrannous BYU Cougars have reigned over the humble Aggie-Folk of the frozen northern tundra—but those days are soon to be over.
Unknown to the Cougars, is a plot set in motion by the clever Aggie, to score two garbage touchdowns in the waning minutes of the game. Fools! Do they not know that it is best to strike an opponent when they pull starters after the game is well in hand? Clever is the Aggie, as he bides his time and allows the Tyrants a 34-0 lead. The Aggie does his best to stifle laughs as he alone knows the Cougars have taken the bait.
Suddenly, without warning, very quickly, out of nowhere, all-a-sudden, the Aggie lashes out with a ferocity, matched only by a retarded kid playing basketball and he doesn't know the rules to the game and it's kind of annoying but you let him play anyways because you're nice and he's traveling all over the place and fouling and farting and, BAM! 34-7, the Aggies are now in control of the game.
Power corrupts the heart, and woeful for the cougars—the mind, as well. Not taking the Aggie threat seriously the prideful Cougars leave their starters out and insist on running the ball to waste time.
Stupid move idiots! The Aggie is prepared.
After mounting staggering defensive stops— in which the Aggie defense made the Cougar offense look like they weren't even interested in scoring anymore—the mighty Aggie claims possession of the football. This is it. 20 years of being counted out as an easy win on BYU's schedule. 20 years of "pretending" to get kicked around by the evil tyrants down south. 20 years of a one-sided rivalry—the fuel is about to be lit.
With Aggie commoners cheering on their heroes from the bleachers, willing BYU's 3rd-team defense to falter, and with the blessing of the Gods behind them, the fearless Aggie goes for the kill! Aggie hero, Sir Quarterback Borel, rolls to his right with time running out, nobody open! The swarming Cougar defense bears its teeth and positions itself for a pounce. Chaos erupts as Borel scans the end-zone for an open receiver and let's loose the ball as he yells, "By the horn of Aggathor, I SMITE THEE, THOU RAVENOUS BEAST!"
Blood-curdling screams from the field of battle are instantly drowned out by the commoners as a mighty Aggie hero-poet jumps to his feet in celebration! GAME OVER! AGGIES WIN BY THE SCORE OF BYU 34, UTAH STATE 14! The last 5 and a half minutes of the game don't even need to be played as the newly fallen tyrants now know their reign is over! Let the celebration of Utah State fans commence! Break open the kegs of apple beer, Aggie fans, revel in your mighty victory!
Long live the tradition of Aggie football!
LOL, man. But you what's NOT funny? That traitor Riley Nelson.
ReplyDeleteEasy on Riley. He didn't get his testimony of the True Team until he was on his mission.
ReplyDeleteThat is classic. I couldn't believe how jacked up their fans were getting. USU's signature victory so far this year is their 38-30 loss at Texas A&M. I'll admit that score caught my attention, but looking at the box score it appears they employed the same strategy in that game as they did against BYU. It was 38-17 with 5:30 left in the game when USU scored a touchdown (with their fans going wild I'm sure), then scored one more touchdown with seconds to go in the game.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I will boldly be the first to declare a prediction: Tyrants 52, Commoners 28.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the stroll down memory lane. I remember the euphoria of the USU fans when we didn't shut them out (we were on a two-game shutout streak at the time), and I definitely remember the classy aggie who couldn't resist rubbing it into our faces that we sucked so bad that we let the WORST TEAM EVER score TWICE against us. Somehow the irony was lost on him, however.
ReplyDeleteBYU 49, Ags 24. If USU scores 30 on us, expect to defend our goalposts.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if everyone knew I was being sarcastic about the Riley traitor thing. It's hard to sell sarcasm online unless you have the talent of Joe. Riley looked pretty good on Friday. That guy can run like a Kenyan.
ReplyDeleteCedric, it was perfectly understood that you were being sarcastic as only perfect people are invited to this blog, and yes, that Riley is going to be an excellent addition to the kingdom. I'd like to see BYU line him up like Utah used to line up Louks—only Riley is a throwing threat, too.
ReplyDelete