Yeah!

Woooooo Hoooooooooo!!!!! What's this "Rodgers Brothers" I kept hearing so much about?

Great Video

Yes, he is.

Ha!

Guide to being a Ute Fan

So you want to be a Ute fan? Congratulations.

Honestly, I can't say I blame you. Being a Utah fan is one of life's greatest pleasures, but before you get started, you're going to need to understand there's a simple playbook you need to follow. Some people are able to follow these instructions intuitively, but if you're not one of them this guide will clearly spell out the basics of being a part of Utah fandom.

Before you start, you'll need to understand that most of what you do as a Utah fan is reactionary. We'll learn about trolling and provoking BYU fans later. As a beginner all you'll need to do is watch what BYU fans do and react accordingly.

Here's what do when ...

1. BYU does something well:
We'll start with an easy one. There's one special hyphenated word that you can always throw around as a Utah fan: self-righteous. Don't worry about what it exactly means. If BYU fans are doing something, I can promise you, they're doing it in a self-righteous way and you shouldn't be shy about letting them know or yucking it up with your fellow fans.
Outside of being self-righteous, the only other acceptable explanation for why a BYU fan is doing something is that they are unable to think for themselves. Don't consider what their actual point or intent is or even if you might agree with it. If you can't classify BYU behavior as either being self-righteous or the behavior of a mindless drone, you're not trying hard enough to classify it.

2. BYU does something wrong:
Hey! It's your big chance! You know all those rules and standards those BYU people have? This is the time to throw them all back in their faces. Try to point out all the ways that they've failed to live up to those standards; lay the guilt on heavy by pointing out how they've let everyone else down; use the word hypocrite liberally; blur the lines between trying to do something and promising to do something; ignore that you spend a lot of time and energy mocking them for caring at all about standards at all (see #1).
Luckily as a Utah fan, you don't need to worry about representing anything or anyone. You see, the real genius of being a Utah fan is you'll never have to worry about double standards, because we don't have any standards to begin with.

3. BYU does something wrong and you're an active, LDS Utah Fan:
Oh, man. This is the best! You will need to ignore that you probably have made a special effort to separate BYU from the church. When BYU does something good, it has nothing to do with the church--it's just BYU sports. But when when BYU or BYU fans do something wrong you need to take big-time offense. Those embarrassing actions are blight on your church and need to be stopped. Make a big deal about this, like writing on your tithing slip that your money should not to go BYU sports, or mentioning it Elder's quorum. Make sure you say you think the church should drop BYU sports, but point out that it's only because you care about the church's image that you think so.
Finally, there are still no double standards, so as soon as the controversy blows over go back to coming up with insulting nicknames or finding any other possible way to mock the people that only represent your church when they do something wrong. Also, you don't need to worry about your actions ever reflecting in any way on the church. Everyone knows that throughout the rest of the country no one ever associates the Utah community with Mormons.

4. A BYU fan accuses you or other Utah fans of doing something wrong:
Two easy options for this one--deny or excuse. Is there unequivocal proof of what those lily-white BYU fans are accusing you or or friends of? Well, then they're probably making it up, or just lying about it. Start with that, but if by some chance it turns out they're able to immediately prove that they're not making up the accusation up, you'll have to find something a BYU fan has done that you can kind of compare it to.
Example: Let's say a BYU fan is complaining that their head got cut open by a beer can thrown into their section at RES. First, you deny that it happened. Say something like, "that didn't happen," or "you shouldnt exaggerate." If they happen to be able to show you the scar or a photo or something you might need to stop denying and start excusing. This is done by saying something like, "Oh yeah. Well, my sister got pushed at LES." Voila. Problem solved.
You will need to avoid discussing even the possibility that there might be a shred of guilt among Utah fans. Just keep beating that you-do-it-too drum until that BYU fan accepts that since everyone has done something wrong, no one can ever tell anyone else they what they've done is wrong (without being self-righteous, of course).

5. BYU loses:
Ha ha! Just like you said they would. After a BYU loss, their fans will probably eating their own a little. This is a great time for beginner trolling. Remind them how fast Utah is or how awesome they are in big games. Just keep up with the Salt Lake media and use whatever line they are pushing at the time. Be merciless and personal in your mocking. Remember there's a time when it's more important that they lost than you won; that time is always. Look to feed every doubt they may have about their team and create a few they don't have yet. Work as hard as you can to get BYU fans to define their team the way you see them. The more you can get them to start thinking like you, the more they will do your trolling for you down the road.

6. BYU wins.
Looks like it wasn't your day, but here's the deal: they probably cheated, or the refs cheated, or they got lucky. If you get tired of arguing that they're cheating cheaters who cheat all the time, maybe you can find something they said after that game that you can take offense at or whine about. Your offense will make a great distraction from the unfortunate outcome, maybe even a bigger story than the outcome. Ignore any metal gymnastics you may have to do to take offense at the statement. The important thing is manufacture enough outrage over the statement or action that fellow Utah fans can hold onto it as long as necessary. With enough whining, the distraction will tide us over until Utah manages to win another game. Once that happens we can all go back to the advice in #5, and along with the Salt Lake media can keep telling BYU fans how the honor code or whatever other excuse we can find is going to prevent them from ever winning anything. Ever.


Well, that should be enough to get you started. Best of luck and we'll get into the really complicated stuff later, like why we dress like pirates or what exactly the source of our foaming-at-the-mouth hatred is.

-----

"Football is not the most important thing in the world, and it's certainly not the most important thing in my life." -- Lavell Edwards

Bronco on Max: "He Spoke from His Heart..."

November 30th, 2009 @ 9:00am

I had my final twice-weekly morning interview with BYU head coach Bronco Mendenhall this morning on KSL Newsradio in the "Coach's Corner." You can hear the entire interview by clicking the audio link in the "Cougar Cuts" box to the lower right.

Roughly a minute into the interview, I ask the coach about Max Hall's postgame comments and ensuing apology. Among the things Bronco said:

--

"Anytime the rivalry becomes personal...you certainly have a tendency to view the opponent in a much different light."

"I don't think... the venue (Max) chose to express those thoughts was appropriate, but I think he spoke from his heart and he said what he believed."

"(Max) has done his best through an apology very specific to certain elements of what he said to make it clearer."

"(Max) is a great leader, he's a great kid, and he has my support."

Asked if he respected Max for the way he handled the situation, Bronco said "Absolutely."

"The apology he issued (came) from him and no one else... if anyone thinks they've influenced his apology, that's a mistake; he woke up, did all of that on his own... I haven't talked to Max yet, nor has anyone else from our coaching staff. Max has done this completely on his own."

--

*******

Asked about potential postseason destinations, Mendenhall said "basically it would just be hard for anyone to pass us up at this point."

Seeing as the Las Vegas Bowl has first crack at available MWC bowl teams, I take his comment to mean that he fully expects Vegas to roll the dice on BYU for a fifth straight year.

*******

As a personal post-script to the Max Hall story...

I don't know him well, but I know that Max Hall is genuine. He's competitive, and he's sensitive. He always wants to do well, for more people than just himself. When he succeeds, he has no problem sharing the glory. Yet when he fails, he has no problem shouldering the blame alone.

Max Hall picked a highly visible moment to give us a glimpse into the heart of a wounded champion. A champion on that day, but wounded just the same.

What he said wasn't bluster and bravado, it wasn't manufactured "trash talk"...it was his vindication, it was his pain, it was his pride, and it was real.

Max Hall allowed percolating and coagulating emotions to blur the line between guilty parties and guilt by association. He attempted to rectify that mistake by apologizing, and I'm glad he did, once the light of the next day illuminated that particular mistake.

But it was not a mistake that his heart led him to say what he did on Saturday night. For it was "heart" that represented his three years as a starting quarterback, and it was "heart" that inspired teammates and coaches alike.

He was bruised and battered, on and off the field, but he never missed a game. BYU fans are sure going to miss him.

Holier Than Thou

I would take a lopsided blow-out, any year, but there is something so very sweet about breaking the Ute fans hearts year after year in the closing seconds of the Holy War. BYU 26, Utah 23.

Beautiful, from every angle.

Irritable Bowel Week

I get diarrhea this time every year.

Unforgiving bubbling in my guts and pinched buttocks are the calling cards of the week leading up to the Utah game. And each year when the game is final, I promise to put the game into perspective for the next year so I don't have to worry about future brown-spotting—but I never follow through.

So, I've decided to give in. I don't want to put the game into perspective. I like hating those wankers up north. It's part of who I am. But what has my interest now are the reasons I hate the Utes and more importantly, their kingdom of wife-beating-asshole fans.

I didn't go to BYU so I have no academic loyalties, and I'm sure there are thousands of great people I would would want to call "friend" who attend or attended the U. In fact, I have 3 close friends who did attend the U.

Great guys.

I think it all comes back to the scientific data I entered earlier as evidence: Utah fans are assholes.

Throughout the week I will be posting evidence of what Ute fans have given the world—other than syphilis.

This just in...Monkey's are still hilarious.

I'm too busy working to write-up a proper post. My apologies to all the people who call me and discuss my posts, but never leave comments.

BYU 35, Air Force 17

New Mexico Football.....

New Mexico's American Football team, take note: This is how the World's Football is played by women at the same University you've been humiliating all year.

NM is more terriblerer than any team in college football— including every sub-division school—except St. Margaret's School for the Paraplegic and Blind. They're just quitters.

Proof of Fail.

In December of '08 NM hires up-and-coming coach, Mike Locksley.

In May of '09, Locksley gets hit with a sex discrimination law suit.

Three weeks later NM gets put on probation for recruiting practices untoward that of decent.

In September of '09, Locksley attacks an assistant coach which results in a 10 day suspension for Locksley, without pay.

So far this season, NM is 0-9, scoring a total of 138 points while having 329 total points scored against them. That works out to a disastrous, NM Opponent 36.5, NM 15.9—we'll say 16 to lift their spirits a bit.

Now, the task at hand.

BYU looked great against a much improved Wyoming team, last week. There's always the talk of BYU overlooking a bad team, especially with Air Force and Utah coming up, but I don't think that will happen here. What I'm hoping for is for BYU to jump out fast, making the game out of reach for NM, that way we get to see more of Riley and his scrambling-googely legs.

BYU 49, NM, 17

Also, am I the only one sweating and blushing while watching the video above?

Uncertainty in Laramie

My first thought was to try and go deep—philosophically speaking— and make mention of a "storm on the horizon" or something extremely clever, like that. But puns are stupid.

No pun intended.

While staring at the photo above, I found myself thinking of all the hurtful things I could say about Wyoming and their fans. There's the predictable route of calling them white trash. Too easy. I could talk about how they celebrate their lack of hygiene or for that matter, their lack of wherewithal while at football games. I've witnessed first-hand 2 Wyoming fans' courtship (the male let what appeared to be a female chug from his beer hat), engagement (mustard pretzel around her chubby pink finger), make-shift union (mutual friend hugging the both of them, totally smashed telling the bride-to-be she has nice cans), consummation (memory blocked), and relationship supernova (they split on account of differing views on camo for the hunt)—all in the first quarter of the game. It's like their fans go to the games more for the opportunity to show-off their fresh kill, not-so-covered by a tarp in the parking lot, than to actually watch football. While in the stands, their entire existence is bent on ruining the game for every person within earshot, eyeshot or nostrilshot. They offend nearly every sense and my hunch is they probably do, as I can only imagine how sticky they are to the touch. And sticky on a person never tastes good.

Now, I could have taken the low road and written about all of those things, but I have too much class for that, (Thanks Huckabee) and really, it would just be me taking out my frustration on the most disgusting pieces of crap to ever crawl out from under a rock, OH HOW I HATE THOSE FROZEN TUNDRA SHEEP LOVERS!

Instead, I'm going to fall back to the philosophical thread.

Take notice of the wall of cloud in Laramie in the photo above. That's what I see in my mind when trying to picture the outcome of this game. Future unknown. Insight blocked.

I'm a Cougar fan to the end, I just don't know what team I'm cheering for, anymore. The team that beat Oklahoma, or the team that folded against TCU? Make no mistake, whatever team shows up, I will be in their corner until the end, shouting words of encouragement from the stands, and the occasional advice to guys who miss their assignments (because fans know everything).

I do not feel entitled to any wins. Bronco owes me nothing, and BYU's wins and losses aren't a reflection on my personal happiness. It's pretty simple, really. I only want to see the team play with excitement. It's fun to watch a team who's having fun, win or lose.

Well, that, and I'd really like to see the Wyoming fans take a sound thumping as they are a blight on existence.

Pun intended.

Andy Dalton's Coming to Town

Aside from ESPN's College Game Day setting up shop in Provo—and a game between two top 20 teams—fans in Provo will be treated to the family-shattering antics of an ugly red head, this Saturday evening at LES.

Why does this get me excited? It doesn't, it makes me frightened.

Any person with commonsense can tell you redheads are unpredictable. If you see one with a smile on their face, they've either just started something on fire, or about to. Follow a trail of tortured cats and broken family mementos and you'll find a sobbing redhead at the end of the line, cutting himself on his thigh or cornering a cousin to force a kiss upon.

They are not to be trusted.This brings me to my point in this post.

Andy Dalton has shown several times this year his ability to be ineffective on the field. Plane Jane, Vanilla, stand-up comedy from a female—what I'm trying to say is, most times, he's pointless.

But beware the curse of the vitriol-filled redheads. They don't have blood like you and I. Coursing through their veins is hate, pumped by a rotten tomato in the place where a human heart should be. Though the point could be made that they are different than normals(valid), it's more of a true statement to say "They're something else, something different".

The ugly redhead is not easily discouraged from the task at hand. If you're their cousin, and they want to kiss you...pucker-up. If you have a shirt they think will look better on them, it's best to disrobe, the shirt is coming off anyways, it's just a matter of whether or not it resembles a shirt once the freckled hands hold it as their own. Redheads destroy, and that may happen on Saturday night.

TCU has a solid D, no question, but it's going to have to be their offense that wins the game. Our "O" can put points up on anyone, but the game will be won if our defense can handle the redheaded hate-mongerer. If Dalton can manage any kind of offense, I think the Cougs are in trouble.

That said, it's time for my prediction.

BYU 27 TCU 22

GO COUGS!

Asstec Predictions

I'm the ultimate optimist, so it worries me to feel a little paranoid about the SDSU game. With TCU coming up next week it could be very easy to look past tomorrow and have a poor showing, by eaking out an ugly victory. I think we'll get a very honest look of what type of team the cougars are this year, tomorrow. If they show up and TCB (tackle carriers of the ball) then we truly have a team more focused than last year, and that bodes well going into the final stretch.

I'm siding with my optimism, BYU 48 SDSU 17.

Universe article

Hey fellas, below I pasted the text of a recent Daily Universe article written by Seth Stoker that I liked regarding Coach Mendenhall's recent BYU fan comments. I don't know if you care, but I like what Seth wrote.

BRONCO DOESN'T OWE YOU ANYTHING

Last week was one of controversy for head coach Bronco Mendenhall and the BYU football team, stemming from the coach’s comments concerning fans earlier in the week, followed by the dismissal of backup safety Shiloah Te’o.
By now everyone who has any interest in the football team has heard Mendenhall’s comments concerning fan criticism, saying the level of “criticism usually matches the level of education” of the person it comes from.
This comment sparked anger in the hearts of self-proclaimed “educated” Cougar fans everywhere. These fans were outraged that Mendenhall once again confirmed his feelings for the BYU fan base.
How dare this pretentious coach discount the very group of people the athletic department relies on to patronize the team with donations, ticket sales, concessions, etc.?
A local journalist even called Mendenhall out, claiming the coach owed BYU fans an apology.This is getting a little out of hand. Did any of you ever stop to think that he was right? Put yourselves in his shoes. You are hired to save the program after the Gary Crowton debacle, and immediately take the team to a bowl game the next year, followed by three — possibly four — 10-win seasons in a row.
During this phenomenal resurrection of a storied tradition, many fans still find fault in nearly every facet of the program. Perfection is the only acceptable outcome for these fans, and anything short of it means the sky is falling.
How’s that for a thank you? Is it any wonder why this guy is tired of hearing how to do his job from hosts of people who have never set foot on a football field? I’d venture to say that claiming to be able to do a coach’s job better than he can is an even larger form of arrogance than what Mendenhall showed with his comments.
Plus, from a logical perspective, he is right. How many fans know which way a receiver was supposed to cut when Max Hall threw an interception? How many actually know what is supposed to happen in Jaime Hill’s defensive scheme?
By now we all know what we’re going to get with Mendenhall — an excellent coach and motivator whose players would run through walls. The man can give a lecture with one stare, and without saying a word. A coach who expects to be recruited, and not the other way around.
And he’s going to do things his way. He has since he came to BYU. Why are any fans still surprised when he doesn’t try to win a popularity contest? All the guy cares about is building a successful program while building solid young men. My apologies to those fans who want to feel like Mendenhall needs them, but it’s time for them to realize they need him more.
This guy’s going to maintain a successful football program his way, whether you’re on board or not. The only thing a coach owes his fans is a successful, winning program. Anything beyond that is gravy.
An apology? It’s probably warranted. But this apology needs to come from the fans, not from the coach.

Sticktoitiveness

UNLV Predictions

I'm expecting a win. Anyone else?

Last week UNLV's box score state against Nevada:

UNLV-346 total yards

Nevada-773 total yards

UNLV rushing-70 yards

Nevada rushing-559 yards

Despite all the preseason hyperbole from MWC reporters, UNLV has taken its annual position with the other bottom two-thrids of the conference. There's always the chance of a shocker—especially with Jacobson out with an injury— but we should take this one easy enough.

BYU 38 UNLV 13

Gay and Gayer

Alright maybe those photos of Pitta, Collie and Hall are pretty gay, but we can thank our lucky stars that this is not our quarterback-

Let's count our blessings.

Beautiful Images of BYUs A-Team

I will introduce myself later but as the newest member of the The Self-Righteous blogging team I have something I would like to share with all the readers.

Somehow a fan of the team up north found pictures of Dennis Pitta, Max Hall and Austin Collie. The email started with these words:

“These would make it tough to be a Cougar fan.”







“How do you Kittie fans expect us to take you seriously when these are the guys at the helm of that sinking ship? For your information, these little "cute" pictures are of Max Hall, Dennis Pitta, and ghetto NFL star Austin Collie.”

Take us seriously? It's the same thing as ‘real men wear PINK’ —only real men would take these inspiring pictures together. It's comforting to know that such confidence and grace accompanies our Kittie stars.

Terrible Tales of Tyrants

Friday, October 3rd 2008—Romney Stadium, Logan, Utah. For 20 years, the tyrannous BYU Cougars have reigned over the humble Aggie-Folk of the frozen northern tundra—but those days are soon to be over.

Unknown to the Cougars, is a plot set in motion by the clever Aggie, to score two garbage touchdowns in the waning minutes of the game. Fools! Do they not know that it is best to strike an opponent when they pull starters after the game is well in hand? Clever is the Aggie, as he bides his time and allows the Tyrants a 34-0 lead. The Aggie does his best to stifle laughs as he alone knows the Cougars have taken the bait.

Suddenly, without warning, very quickly, out of nowhere, all-a-sudden, the Aggie lashes out with a ferocity, matched only by a retarded kid playing basketball and he doesn't know the rules to the game and it's kind of annoying but you let him play anyways because you're nice and he's traveling all over the place and fouling and farting and, BAM! 34-7, the Aggies are now in control of the game.

Power corrupts the heart, and woeful for the cougars—the mind, as well. Not taking the Aggie threat seriously the prideful Cougars leave their starters out and insist on running the ball to waste time.

Stupid move idiots! The Aggie is prepared.

After mounting staggering defensive stops— in which the Aggie defense made the Cougar offense look like they weren't even interested in scoring anymore—the mighty Aggie claims possession of the football. This is it. 20 years of being counted out as an easy win on BYU's schedule. 20 years of "pretending" to get kicked around by the evil tyrants down south. 20 years of a one-sided rivalry—the fuel is about to be lit.

With Aggie commoners cheering on their heroes from the bleachers, willing BYU's 3rd-team defense to falter, and with the blessing of the Gods behind them, the fearless Aggie goes for the kill! Aggie hero, Sir Quarterback Borel, rolls to his right with time running out, nobody open! The swarming Cougar defense bears its teeth and positions itself for a pounce. Chaos erupts as Borel scans the end-zone for an open receiver and let's loose the ball as he yells, "By the horn of Aggathor, I SMITE THEE, THOU RAVENOUS BEAST!"

Blood-curdling screams from the field of battle are instantly drowned out by the commoners as a mighty Aggie hero-poet jumps to his feet in celebration! GAME OVER! AGGIES WIN BY THE SCORE OF BYU 34, UTAH STATE 14! The last 5 and a half minutes of the game don't even need to be played as the newly fallen tyrants now know their reign is over! Let the celebration of Utah State fans commence! Break open the kegs of apple beer, Aggie fans, revel in your mighty victory!

Long live the tradition of Aggie football!

Winning ugly is still winning

I was just telling Joe on the phone yesterday that I've been trying for a while to get back to just enjoying a BYU win, regardless of how perfect or imperfect their performance is. So many BYU fans are insecure and are constantly worried about how good their team looks to the media, and others on the "outside." He probably wouldn't approve of this, since it's a paid subscription, but I found the following quote by HB Arnett appropriate for this topic (sorry it's so long):

It used to be that if BYU lost a game or even won, but didn't play well, I couldn't sleep at night. How could the Cougars let me down?
Those days are long gone. It's Division I football.
Good teams lose. Great teams lose. Bad teams occasionally win.
If BYU played Oklahoma another 9 times this year, they would lose at least seven of those games, with or without Sam Bradford.
The Sooners now have tape of the Cougars. Who cares? BYU's win over OU was the ultimate entertainment and is one of my all-time favorite BYU football moments.
If BYU played Florida State another 9 times this year, the Cougars would likely win at least five of those games.
How can Florida State pummel BYU but struggle to whip Jacksonville State and get beat by South Florida? It's Division I football.
College football is a lot like the national political scene. Substance is gone, regardless of party affiliation. Without a playoff, we don't really know which teams can beat other teams.

Instead, it is about sound bites, snippets of video and talking heads on networks who tell us who is good and why we should think like they do.
Take away the studio hosts and sets and it is still Division I football where real teams with real players with abilities and talent are spread among all teams. Those teams then actually go out and go mano a mano on the football field.
How else do you explain USC getting beat by Washington last week and this week Cal getting pummeled by Oregon or highly regarded Penn State taking it on the chin at home against Iowa. How do explain a nondescript team like Colorado State making BYU look ordinary?
In their opening game at home this season, Iowa had to hang on for dear life and a bad opposing field goal kicker to defeat Northern Iowa.
That means that since BYU pounded Northern Iowa last year, they could beat Iowa and in turn could have beaten Penn State.
Crown the Cougars champions of the Big Ten.

At the risk of sounding like one of those talking heads, BYU is a very good football team, one of the top 25 in the nation, but they are not an elite team. They don't have a good enough defense or enough speed to bang heads consistently with the elite teams of the nation.
Regardless, they are still very entertaining to watch and follow. They are what they are. Craving respect is in my rear view mirror. What I am looking for is entertainment and some much needed recreation and relief from real life.
BYU football provides that, thank you.
BYU will win some big games. They will lose some big games. Harking back to Hawkins, "It is Division I football." That is what happens.
In the last two decades BYU has won a lot of football games and most of the time looked good doing it. That said, there are plenty of teams that can beat them or make them look ordinary just because it is Division I football.
BYU isn't the only team with decent coaches who watch film and find deficiencies they can attack and defeat.
Give any coach in the MWC a little bit of talent in the right spots, enough looks at enough film and enough times on the same field with BYU, and they will eventually make it competitive. As Dan Hawkins shouted, "It's Division I football."

BYU 42, CSU 23

If you didn't see the game but tuned in for the post game show it would have been easy to get the impression that BYU lost, badly. A multitude of armchair quarterbacks called in to complain about only having 3 long drives against the CSU defense, and droned on about how lucky BYU was to have 3 short fields to start the game. These wankers were clearly expecting an apology for a 19 point win.

BYU's defense came out srong and made some amazing plays—2 interceptions and a blocked punt— and their offense capitalized with touchdowns (not field goals) to jump out 21 points. Every point was earned, no points were spotted, clearly though, this is not acceptable to pretender-fans.

I get the impression that BYU can play under stress at times due to fan expectations, and my heart goes out to them. Including this year, over the past 4 seasons BYU has a record of 35-8, beating Utah 2 out of 3 years, has gone undefeated in conference twice, 2-1 in bowl games, beat a #17 ranked TCU on the road, and #3 Oklahoma on the road. Doomsdayers will see those accolades differently. Three, and now four seasons without a championship of the world—for shame BYU.

I think it comes down to pretender-fans expecting a choreographed game, where Hall throws for 300 yards and 3 touchdowns, and Unga gets his 100. Instead of being proud of our boys for finding ways to win, all the pretender-fans constantly nitpick over how BYU wins.

That's why I have the friends that I do. XOXOXO. I'm happy to watch the games with you fellas and go through the highs and lows of a season. It's what makes college football exciting. Sometimes our team botches a seemingly easy extra point (you try kicking one, not so easy) sending us into a Rumpelstiltskin-type rampage, while other times they convert on a 4th and 18, or beat a top 5 team on one of college football's biggest stages.

Terrible, bitter-sweet and all-together beautiful.

Doubleplusgood

#8 Speaks to how I feel at the moment.

1. 'Football is only a game. Spiritual things are eternal. Nevertheless, Beat Texas ' Seen on a church sign in Arkansas , prior to the 1969 game.
2. 'After you retire, there's only one big event left... and I ain't ready for that.' Bobby Bowden / Florida State
3. 'The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.' Lou Holtz / Arkansas
4. 'When you win, nothing hurts.' Joe Namath / Alabama
5.'Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated.' Lou Holtz / Arkansas
6. 'If you want to walk the heavenly streets of gold, you gotta know the password, 'Roll, tide, roll!' Bear Bryant / Alabama
7. 'A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.' Frank Leahy / Notre Dame
8. 'There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.' Woody Hayes / Ohio State
9. 'I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation.' Bob Devaney /Nebraska
10. 'In Alabama , an atheist is someone who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant.' Wally Butts / Georgia
11. 'You can learn more character on the two-yard line than anywhere else in life.' Paul Dietzel / LSU
12. 'It's kind of hard to rally around a math class.' Bear Bryant / Alabama
13. When asked if Fayetteville was the end of the world. 'No, but you can see it from here.' Lou Holtz / Arkansas ....
14. 'I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game.' Bear Bryant / Alabama
15. 'There's one sure way to stop us from scoring-give us the ball near the goal line.' Matty Bell / SMU
16. 'Lads, you're not to miss practice unless your parents died or you died.' Frank Leahy / Notre Dame
17. 'I never graduated from Iowa , but I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's.' Alex Karras / Iowa
18. 'My advice to defensive players: Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in a bad humor.' Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee
19. 'I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades.' Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
20. 'Always remember... Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David.' Shug Jordan / Auburn
21. 'They cut us up like boarding house pie. And that's real small pieces.' Darrell Royal / Texas
22. 'Show me a good and gracious loser, and I'll show you a failure.' Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
23. 'They whipped us like a tied up goat.' Spike Dykes / Texas Tech
24. 'I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn't recruit me and he said: 'Well, Walt, we took a look at you and you weren't any good.' Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State
25. 'Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel.' Bobby Bowden / Florida State
26. 'Football is not a contact sport - it is a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport.' Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
27. After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his postgame message to his team: 'All those who need showers, take them.' John McKay / USC
28. 'If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.'Murray Warmath / Minnesota
29. 'The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb..' Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
30. 'Oh, we played about like three tons of buzzard puke this afternoon.' Spike Dykes / Texas Tech
31. 'It isn't necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it.' Knute Rockne / Notre Dam
32. 'We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches.' Darrell Royal / Texas
33. 'We didn't tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking.' Wilson Matthews / Little Rock Central High School
34. 'Three things can happen when you throw the ball, and two of them are bad. Darrell Royal/ University of Texas
35. 'I've found that prayers work best when you have big players.' Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
36. 'Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football.' John Heisman

I don't want to talk about it

Predictions for the Gypsy Funeral

OK, fellas. Last chance to be a hero. We are 48 hours from the 'Noles making their debut in Edward's Stadium, and the vitriol is flying from both sinners and saints. FSU fans are ripping on Mormons for having too many wives, and Mormons are ripping on FSU fans for not having enough. Personally, I think there is a nice middle-ground we can all agree on. One wife, many mistresses. Zoing! Wham! Am I right married guys?

As it stands right now, only myself, Gregan, and Cedric have the minerals to throw our predictions down for all to see. I guess that makes the rest of you all, scared little scaredy cats who are scared of making predictions because they are too scared to to predict.

I'm sorry I had to be so harsh, but how will you all learn if not for tough love?

Predictions thus far

Gregan-BYU by ten points

Cedric- BYU 34 FSU 14

Joseph- BYU 42 FSU 21

Florida State Predictions!

Unfortunately, I didn't get a prediction in last game, since I didn't check the blog before the Tulane game was already over (coming here is part of my victory digestion ritual, along with reading every article I can find about the cougars until my neck hurts because it's propped up against my bedpost. My neck hurts so much right now).

But I've got to say, BYU looked pretty smokin', and I feel much better about the Florida State game after seeing them nearly choke against Jacksonville State. I know we're all superstitious on some level, and I would hate to jinx it, but I think we're going to go undefeated out of conference. There's no reason why BYU shouldn't beat Florida State (and Utah State goes without saying), especially if FSU plays anything like they did yesterday. Of course, they won't play like that, since they'll definitely pull out all the stops for a game against the Cougars that could spell redemption for their program.

However, FSU QB Christian Ponder seemed frustrated and confused throughout the entire game against Jacksonville, and that wasn't dealing with the mighty Cougars. Plus, it's in Provo. I give BYU this win by ten points.



Also, go Max! He's ranked number 4 this week in the Heisman Watch.

BYU-Tulane Predictions

Everyone who reads this is opinionated. I know, because I personally hand picked all of you.

So, let's see who has the Kuh Hoe Knees to put their over-developed ego on the line by boldly predicting outcomes of the games this year....before game time. No doubt, you all predicted BYU would beat Oklahoma by 1 point in a defensive-heavy game, I just want to give everyone the chance to cement their prediction on this blog for all to see. Go on, be a hero.

Whomever comes closest won't get pricked by my AIDS needle.

I'll start. BYU 40, Tulane, 17.

BYU, #9 Ap Poll, #12 Coaches Poll

Hasn't Sunk In Yet

This will be a short post as I'm trying to see my screen through tears of joy. 14-13 BYU! The exact opposite of how I thought they'd win. Who knew a defensive battle would take place? I cannot see how the BcS can argue against the MWC, anymore. The team up north beat Alabama last season and now the Cougs open up with a win over BCS darling, Oklahoma.

All without starting running back Harvey Unga.

Eff the Man.

Quack Talking

When has it ever been beneficial to trash talk before a game? I love that this Douche Bag not only guaranteed an "ass whoopin" on Boise State and proclaimed that Oregon owns BSU, but he then went on to carry the ball 8 times for negative 5 yards.

That's got to be a hard pill to swallow, but people can be forgiving. Even though he talked quack, and dramatically underperformed, he could have saved face by going to his interviews with cap-in-hand, humbled by what should have been a learning experience.

Not this hero.

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/campusrivalry/post/2009/09/blounts-punch-adds-to-rough-night-for-oregon/1

I have wonderful news, everybody! After seconds and seconds of exhaustive research I have come to the undisputable conclusion that BYU is going to beat Oklahoma and then go undefeated and win the national championship!

Observe:

Fact number one: 2009 marks the 25th anniversary of the 1984 national championship season and the Utah media has been overflowing with nostalgia.
Fact number two: BYU's first game in '84 was at Pittsburgh, the #3 team in the country.
Fact number three: BYU's first game in '09 is (kind of) at Oklahoma, THE #3 TEAM IN THE COUNTRY!

Those are the facts, baby, and facts are stubborn things! It's written in the stars, my friends. You can't argue with science.

Back to Football

The first thing I'd like to talk about is Hall's state-of-mind.

No doubt Max has what it takes to blow teams up for big stats. Going into his Senior year he already ranks up there with some of BYU's best Quarterbacks. The fact that he plays his position with the intensity of an over-roided linebacker makes him extremely fun to watch. I enjoy his fearlessness and trash-talking when he gets in the face of a D-lineman, but I wonder if all of these things led to his poor performance in the last 2 games of the year?

Here are his stats for the last two games of the season.

Against Utah 21-41 for 205 yards no touchdowns passes, 5 interceptions and a fumble.

Remember, he was the first to toe the line in the pre-game skirmish.

Against Arizona 30-47 for 328 yards, 1 touchdown pass, 1 interception, 1 fumble.

Watching the game against Arizona it seemed like he was playing angry.

Overall that put him at 51-88 for 528 yards, 1 touchdown pass and 8 total turnovers to end the season.

I can't decide if I'd like to see him settle down and enjoy a calm and composed Senior season like Beck, or keep the combustive personality that makes him so exciting to watch. After all, who knows how many games BYU has won because of his fiery approach to the game.

Any thoughts?

Panda Bears are Assholes

I was intending to start this off with a rant on Ute fans and raper-terrorists, however, a darker threat looms and I feel the need to warn the public.

I have long decried the intentions of Panda bears—otherwise known as "Nature's Douche Bag". For reasons unknown to me, people around the world have flocked to the defense of the these bamboo-sucking pricks, throwing concerts and wine-mixers in "their" name, with proceeds being dumped into educational videos teaching male Panda's to get boners for lady Pandas.

Brothers, Sisters, we are messing with fire.

Teaching male Pandas (Fella Pandas as they are known in the scientific community) to DO (to make love at) Lady Pandas, perpetuates a species that hates humankind and our ability to wear clothing.

Think I'm exaggerating? To quote William Shakespeare, "Check this shit out".